It’s crazy that we lost one of our greats early in the new year. I first saw the news of Kobe Bryant and I thought it was a joke. Walked into the living room to tell my mom and she already had it on tv. I still did not want to believe that it was true. So, I waited to see what ESPN and the sports channels were going to say about it. Once I heard them go to the Pro Bowl and asked players about it, I knew then that it was true. I could not hold in my emotions and I literally teared up escaping to my room to cry out to myself. I honestly don’t know why I was crying about his death then hearing about his daughter made it worse. Like Kobe isn’t my favorite player nor was I an obsessed fan, but I knew he was one of the greats. Still I could not understand why I was crying about his death. I literally stop getting on social media that day and even now I can’t get on social media like I usually would because I can’t deal with the sadness.
Now I’m seeing everyone showing support for Kobe and his daughter, Gigi, by hash tagging, #GirlDad. The hashtag comes from what Kobe called himself once during an interview. As you can see, I’ve been slowly getting back on Instagram, but even seeing that saddens me. It also makes me wonder what it’s like to be a #GirlDad. I’m currently in a bad place with my own father and seeing these hashtags it makes me wonder about our relationship.
I told my mom that I was jealous of her relationship with my grandfather, her dad, my Paw Paw (Look at my Paw Paw to the left). Though I wasn’t old enough to see them interact before he died, the stories that my mom and everyone tells me about how my Paw Paw loved his children. My mom tells me that her dad was her go to person and could always come to him for advice. I don’t have that with my father, unfortunately. Sure, everyone knows he loves his kids, but sometimes kids need more from their parents. What about those parents who are physically there, but not really there? So, you can see how, #GirlDad really has me emotional and I rarely show my emotions to anyone.
This is not bad mouthing my father either because one, I’ve told him all of this and two, it’s my feelings that I need to express. I just wanted to get this out to help me overcome the losses and emotions I’m feeling right now. My prayers go out to Kobe’s wife and his daughters. As well, as the other families who lost their family and friends. This loss hit almost as hard as when we lost Nipsey. From the words of John Mayer, “Fathers, be good to your daughters.”